Lymph Journal # 38

3/6/2012

I snuck INTO church on Sunday.

For the first time in two months I “risked” a corporate worship experience something I’d been avoiding since the immune system compromises of chemo began.  If you’ve ever let your attention wander in church, especially in winter time, and just listened to words of life and encouragement and all the other sounds you end up hearing a whole lot of hacking and sniffling that you wouldn’t notice if everyone was talking at once.  In can bring on a “Monk moment” if you’re sensitive that way.  So it has been an environment I’ve avoided.

Last Sunday, however, the student body of BFA’s high school division was off to the mountains on retreat, others were gone for conferences and the opportunity a three day weekend afforded so I knew church would have way more chairs than congregants and the auditorium’s balcony would be roped off and available as an isolation zone.

It was great to be there and to see the few other folks that were there as well.  It was great to hear a message in person rather than online.  It was great to sing together the worship song You Never Let Go (Matt Redmond) – a song that for obvious and other reasons has come to mean much to Diane and I.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

(Chorus:)
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth

(Chorus)

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You.

There’s much that is so true in this song and we see the truth of it more clearly now than when we first heard it sung congregationally last summer back in the States when everything seemed normal.  We liked it then and we’re living it now.

Additional note.  We met with the doctor in Freiburg yesterday to discuss the autologous stem cell transplant procedure. We both went into it favoring not doing this but just adding a few more R-CHOP cycles.  We left teetering towards pursuing the transplant.  For my particular brand of lymphoma it seems the results might be better doing it.  A day later I am at peace in setting the wheels in motion to undergo the procedure.  One major hurdle is getting insurance company approval so pray for that if you would.  If all ducks get arranges on a row-like fashion I would begin as early as next week with the first of two preliminary rounds of higher dose chemo.  We’ll keep you posted.